Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
