guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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