My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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