My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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