the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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