wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
