3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
