Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
