I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
