She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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