you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
