I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
