you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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