I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
