I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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