I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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