whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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