First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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