You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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