u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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