We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I think i got beer on your cat.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
