I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
