he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
