you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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