Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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