Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
