Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
