I think scott just propositioned me for sex
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
