I didn't shave. On purpose
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
