but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The beer is more important than you right now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
