I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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