Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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