I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
