Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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