Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
