Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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