Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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