32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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