We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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