You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
