Banned from zoo.
Again?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
