yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
