i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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