that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
