watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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