he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
