im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
