i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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