Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's shark week go big or go home
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
