she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
