The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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